Blogher Community Keynote

On Monday evening, I decided I intended to win a spot as a Blogher Community Keynote speaker. This revelation came during a discussion of, oh, I don’t even remember. Oh, I do! We were discussing the Blogher of the Week, MrLady. Her post On Motherhood knocked my socks off. It totally is Community Keynote worthy, but MrLady won last year. This year seems like a good year for me to win.

Anyhow, I announced my intention to Denise. She pointed out that I don’t write that kind of post. “I could,” I told her. Denise replied, “You do that.”

Denise knew this was a gauntlet thrown down. If she did not know it in the moment she said it, she did within moments. Denise has a way of making me stretch. I am a wee bit competitive. All night I annoyed her by looking at her from time to time and making thinking noises at other times. Denise knows when I am plotting. I am subtle that way.

Yesterday afternoon, we picked up RJ for Tuesday Night Dinner. On our way to pick up Joe, I announced I was going to be a Blogher Community Keynote speaker. “Good luck with that.” she replied in her 13 yo my mother is nuts voice. Denise quickly explained that she didn’t tutor RJ to say that. Then Denise said, “She just wants to be a community keynote speaker. She hasn’t written the post yet.” I explained that no, I had not, that I wanted to talk to them first. I started with “You see the problem is that I have a food blog.” RJ gave me that “Yeah, duh” look. “So I have to write about food” RJ explained, “Yes, that indeed is the idea of a FOOD blog. You can’t write about the pros and cons of a short do on a food blog.” This caused me to say that Susan Wagner just wrote about that.

At that point, we pulled up to the high school to pick up Joe. He got into the car (eventually!) and after the random “Tell me how your week has been” pleasantries of school pick up, I told him I intended to speak at the Blogher Keynote. “Ok.” “You won’t be embarrassed will you?” I pried. “No, why would I? You are my mommy.” Whether this is a matter of him being oblivious to embarrassment or whether it is a statement on the trials of being one of my children, I am not sure. I took it as a child proud of his mother instead of either of those.

Then the discussion of the categories began since there is not a “food” category. My children and Denise inquired if I would talk about purple meatballs, asparagus jell-o, my failure to make stuffing, the fact that any recipe with “surprise” in the name meant that I should not be surprised they will not eat it. Yes, my family loves to tease me about my cooking failures.

Discussion moved on. We arrived home. I made dinner. I did some work. I skimmed feeds. I wrote my post on this blog. I talked to the kids. I wandered by the white board where I had added to the shopping list a dress for my Blogher Keynote. This caused me to go look for the perfect dress. Joe came in to chat with me. We discussed the dresses I was considering. Which one would be right for the keynote?

Then it was time to take the kids home. Tuesday night car rides can be intense. Children who have been quiet will suddenly start talking. Last night was no exception. Except, we started talking about the dresses Joe and I were considering for the keynote. I pointed out that Joe seemed to favor the wiggle dresses. RJ spouted the party line about her mother being drop dead gorgeous in anything. I rolled my eyes. Yes, my child, I am. So are you. More discussion of wiggle dresses vs. flare dresses and why Joe prefers wiggle dresses. The flare dress models all hold them out to show the skirt and look silly in his eyes. I wouldn’t do that I proclaimed. “Yes you would” Denise shot back. “I would not. I would probably just twirl a lot.” “Oh, that wouldn’t be embarrassing.” RJ said with that 13 yo girl voice.

RJ spoke up and said, “Why do you need a dress anyway? You should be you. Wear a Melissa Ferrick t-shirt and jeans.” We laughed. She intensely defended the fact that I should be me, that clothes did not matter. Joe interrupted and said, “If you had seen these dresses, you would know some of them really looked like Mommy.” Denise explained that there are just some occasions where my being me means wearing a dress. I mused, “I think Joe knows something about his mother that RJ doesn’t know yet.”

The conversation moved on to the fact that I had not written the post yet. I certainly hadn’t won. The competition is stiff. I asked them to name a better blogger. The whole crew rolled their eyes. I conceded their point.

Then I told them that I COULD be one of those bloggers. I just was not. I was lazy (shorthand for focused on other things at the moment) and didn’t try hard enough. Joe pointed out that he gets this trait from me and his procrastination trait from his father. RJ claimed some trait from her father; I think her obsession with being perfect and had to think about what trait she got from me. Then she said, “SPARKLE, I get my sparkle from you.” I agreed. Then she started saying that is what I needed to write the winning post. Sparkle. Sparkle and judges who understood sparkle. Joe said, “It probably would help if you added sparkle animations to the text.” Denise and I groaned and explained it wasn’t MySpace or the 80s.

Discussion of the community keynote judges continued. This led to discussion of American Idol (a show I don’t watch but they watch at the other house). I asked about Ashton Kutcher, because we were talking celebrities. Ashton Kutcher caused the children to wordplay with his name and ask what he had to do with American Idol. I don’t know much about celebrities. Denise recommended I read Elisa’s American Idol recaps so that I would be knowledgeable about American Idol.

RJ made a comment about Greentinis. She inquired whether the audience would have them before I gave my keynote. I said, no, that is AFTER the keynote and I didn’t think there would be greentinis this year. She then asked about what to expect at Blogher. Joe said he hoped they had the shiny coffee machine back this year.

I dramatically whispered, “Well, it hasn’t been announced yet…but I am going to be one of the community keynote speakers.” RJ, Joe and Denise all laughed. Hard.


  1. You’ll get to be keynote speaker I am sure.

  2. You *do* have sparkle. And if you want to be a Keynote Speaker I have no doubt that you can do it and that I’ll greatly enjoy it when it happens. 🙂 (Seriously can I sit next to Denise and video her watching you? I’d buy a Flip video camera for that alone.)

  3. I want to go to Blogher and worship at your feet while you’re giving the keynote address. You will do it – I believe!

  4. They won’t let me near the committee, unfortunately, but I know this much: Any mother who teaches her children the superb and necessary skill of poking fun at herself and others with others deserves a medal indeed. Gorgeous post!

  5. One: I’m blushing. BAD

    Two: I got your American Idol Bootcamp right here.

    Three: You don’t have to bleed all over the internet to get on the Keynote panel. You can be funny, too. Food can be HILARIOUS. I’m rooting for you!

  6. SPARKLE!! Perfect word. Concise – Precise – Totally Explanitive!!!

    Keynote away! Blog Away! You can!! You must!! You will!!

  7. Excuse me….but what is so funny? I’m rooting right along with you TW. I think there’s a good possibility…and I have faith. I love this post.

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